10/7/10

Compassionate Intactivists: Let's help make it right!

“The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one who cares or understands.” -Arthur H. Stainback


First off, let me say that I am a mother. Above all the things I advocate for (breastfeeding, natural birth and leaving boys intact) I remain a mother, first and foremost.


Which Is why I am so heartbroken at the negative comments from some people on Jill Haskin's blog and on message boards after her son passed away today from Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome after having circumcision complications.

Don't get me wrong, initially when I saw Jill's blog come up on my facebook newsfeed after being posted by several other "intactivists" who were all claiming that this death was related to the circumcision, I read her blog post called "I almost killed my baby" and I thought assumed the death was related to the post circumcision hemorrhage. So, I re-posted the mother's blog on facebook, hoping simply to inform mothers of the risks of the procedure. Later, I deleted the post because I didn't want to be lumped into the same category of people that spewed the hate on this women's blog.


Even though I didn't post any comments to her blog I feel horrified and ashamed to be associated with anyone that could spread so much hate when they claim to be devoted to preventing harm. This way of "advocating" does not help our cause, it harms it in irreversible ways because when you are hateful, you are closing minds that might have listened to you had you had the decency to be compassionate.

I had copied the the ridiculously insensitive comments into my blog, but have removed them recently in an effort to remove all negativity from this post.


In honor of baby Joshua and his mother Jill Haskin I have set up a donation fund for the Haskin family for those of us that want to redirect this into something positive for the family.

Jill, I deeply apologize on behalf of all the intactivists I know who would never say such hurtful things to you or your family. May your son rest in peace and your love for him carry you through this difficult time.

If you would like to leave a comment, this blog is a place for us to lift Jill and her family up in whatever way we can. This is NOT the time or place to come to "inform or "educate" about circumcision. We will do more harm than good and we risk loosing even more credibility as advocates. I am just asking for love and compassion, people! I will not hesitate to delete comments I find offensive to Jill's family.


UPDATE 10/8/2010: I am amazed at our readers support! Your comments have shown me what true compassion is about by reaching out to lend a hand, even when our beliefs differ! I have received some negative feedback from a few of you who think that I am drawing more attention to the negative things that were said, and that blanket blame doesn't need to be placed on the whole intactivist community. Some of you think that I am trying to "silence" you. This couldn't be further from the truth. I want the truth out. I want people to know that more infant deaths are related to circumcision than chocking, I DO want parents to question what they are told if their baby dies following this procedure. However, I don not agree with attacking grieving mothers to make a point. Believe me, we have other work we can do! Share your message with those who are expecting and write letters to the AAP Task Force and to your elected officials asking to end routine circumcision.

You may even feel that the mean people should just be ignored, not be made the focus with this blog post. While I agree that only a handful of people were spreading these hateful comments, I felt that It was important to provide a place for us to show Jill and her family the other side of our hearts and a solace for us to apologize, if we felt the need. Many of you have probably thought "Compassionate Intactivism" is a oxymoron, we are compassionate people by nature. We love and want to protect these little boys from unnecessary surgery. This is true. We are compassionate towards little boys. However, sometimes that is all we see... In order to reach the parents, I believe we must get our message out with polite arguments and facts rather than by being confrontational.


Thank you again for your support!!! We raised $579.00 for the family! I have sent the money (along with the link to read  your comments) to the family and am closing this donation fund, for those of you who would like to donate, you can directly at Jill's blog.

Here is a list of all those who have donated through 10/16:

P.U.S.H. doula services
Amy Townsend
Michelle Ellinger
Virginia Dauz
My Postpartum Voice
Kristie Little
Beth Ritzman
Kuliaikanuu Petzoldt
Shannon Church
Gary Ehrheart
Zoe Kennedy
Dimitra Vourliotou
Katherine Lane
Denise Tourelle
Birthing Babes Childbirth & Parenting Education Studio
Joy Szabo
Keely Shaw
Valerie Smith
Kyra Sewell
Shelly Alberti
Ashley Hill
Katie Seelinger
Heather Randolph
Leah Faleer
Michael C Robertson
Elizabeth Storm
Daniel Nelson
Christine Smith
Erin Denison-Wise
Brooke Smith
Mollie Firkins
Birth Matters
Agnes Zurek
Jeffery & Sami Havard
Brandi Hefner
Lauren Jenkins (On behalf of the Whole Network)
Divini Fong
Heather Reddout


THANK YOU!!!

Here is the screen shot of the confirmation from paypal that I have sent the funds:
(You'll have to click to enlarge so you can view)

65 comments:

  1. Thank you so much. It is part of the reality of our broken world that our story was used for evil instead of good. I realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but to do so out of hate only hurts the cause. I accept your apology, and I offer forgivness freely to anyone and everyone. That is what my Christ calls us to do.

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  2. I am also an intactivist who is appalled by yesterday's horrors. I also apologize for the evils of others. You deserve love and support and kind words. I so wish I could donate money, but I have excessive medical bills for my sweet kids so instead I simply offer prayers for the family. Blessings during this horrible time.

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  3. I am so sorry that critical, hateful words and thoughts were used during this family's time of grief. It is inexcusable. my thoughts are with the family as they grieve their beautiful baby boy.

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. Reading such mean comments makes me think of the Westboro Baptist Church. I was unaware of this before a Twitter link to your blog and I am appalled. Mothers should support one another, especially in such a tragic time. Jill, I am so sorry and do know not everyone feels this way. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  6. I don't know a single intactivist who is without deepest sympathy for this mother and family. That said, it is a sad reality that almost all circumcision deaths get charted as either A. cardiac arrest or B. blood-loss. It is also a fact that circumcision is contraindicated in babies with preexisting heart conditions. Please understand that I do NOT make these statements for the purpose of placing blame. I actually would have to place more blame on the doctors if I were to be looking for someone to blame. However, I'm not looking for blame here, rather, making it known that we need to start correctly documenting circumcision deaths. One of the largest problems we have with finding out actual numbers of deaths resulting from circumcision is that doctors do not reporting the deaths as caused by circumcision. They simply report them as "cardiac arrest" or "blood-loss" (which was caused by the surgery) and we lose a valuable statistic that could be used to protect more baby boys. If parents don't have a clear understanding of the true risk, b/c we have not been able to provide reliable statistics concerning the risk, then they aren't truly getting informed consent when they sign of on genital reduction surgery. The goal here is to have transparency so that parents can make the absolute best decision. These statements in no way take away from the loss and pain this family is suffering. This is no time for blame! However, if we simply stop asking questions of the hospital and doctors responsible then we have done nothing to prevent future losses and tragedies such as these. It is about having compassion and empathy while taking a moment to really examine the evidence. Progress can't happen with our heads buried in the sand and too many lives have already been lost to ignore the evidence. Also, please don't blame an entire community for the actions or words of one or several people. I am a long time intactivist and I don't have a single colleague who would torment a grieving family.
    Warmest Regards,
    Jen

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  7. To Jill - I am so sorry for everything that you're going through right now! I'm sorry that you have to put up with such hate for the sake of "education" and activism. I am sorry that you have been berated for this. Know that there are MANY intactivists who are behind you and wishing the best for your family. You are such a strong woman and in a position that most of these women fear to be in! I will continue to lift you up in prayer and send loving thoughts your way.

    To others - Please lift Jill and her family up in whatever way you do it. I know this is not *my* page but this is not a place for you to come and "educate!" Take to your blogs to do that!

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  8. I'm against circumcision, I educated myself about it plus cutting something off my perfect, healthy baby and putting him through that traumatic procedure was not even thinkable. But first and foremost I am a mom -- and I can't image what this mom is going through, losing a child. I would have died right there with him.

    This is such a tragedy, even moreso because it seems that her motherly instinct told her not to circumcise. Oh, how I wish she would have listened to that. I am soo sorry and my heart goes out to Jill. I won't be able to stop thinking about her for quite a while.

    Dagmar
    Dagmar's momsense
    @DagmarBleasdale

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  9. As Heather said, this blog is a place for us to lift Jill and her family up in whatever way we can. This is NOT the time or place to come to "inform or "educate!" I will delete comments that aren't supportive to Jill's family.

    @Jen - No one here blaimed "an entire community for the actions or words" on Jill's blog. Don't you see that I am actually defending the intactivists that would never say such hurtful things? While I completely agree with everything you posted about needing more transparency in reporting infant deaths and circumcision, I don't see why this must be the time to educate at the expense of this mother.

    No one said we should stop asking questions, we simply ask that those who want to advocate do so, gently with respect for all parties involved.

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  10. "Don't get me wrong, initially when I saw Jill's blog come up on my facebook newsfeed after being posted by several other "intactivists" who were all claiming that this death was related to the circumcision, I read her post "I almost killed my baby" and I thought assumed the death was related to the post circumcision hemorrhage. So, I re-posted the mother's blog on facebook, hoping simply to inform mothers of the risks of the procedure. Later, I deleted the post because I didn't want to be lumped into the same category of "intactivists" that spewed the hate on this women's blog."

    This. I did the same thing and quickly deleted it as soon as I saw some of the hateful comments appear. I even added a comment that people respond with prayers and love and compassion, but some people did the opposite. I have lost a child, I have watched as a baby boy was put to rest, and the pain this family is going through is truly the worst that this cruel world has to offer. To add blame and guilt onto it is simply inhumane.

    I thought that I was abiding by Jill's wishes when she posted about how she wished she'd known, but inadvertently, could I have added to the vitriol that was spewn at a grieving family? I was up all night last night, grieving with her and filled with angst that I would have added to her pain. Obviously, my emotional turmoil is NOTHING compared to what they are dealing with.

    Jill and Shane, if you are out there, my prayers and all of my love are with your family. I truly believe that most of the "intactivists" out there understand that you made the choice to circumcise your baby out of love, truly believing it was the best decision for your son.

    I am so sorry that you lost him to this heart condition, and so sorry that in addition to your son's death, you have had to deal with this hatred.

    If you do decide to post again, please add a link to a medical organization that seeks to help babies with this heart condition; I would like to make a donation in Joshua's honor.

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  11. I am a mother who find circumcision abhorrent. But as someone before me said... I am first and foremost a mother. What is more I am a mother who has lost two wonderful beautiful babies. I have felt my heart tear as they were laid to rest. My heart breaks for Jill and Shane. I am very very sorry for your loss. And I am very very sorry that others feel that they have the right to attack you in your time of need. I know that your son is looking down on you now... and any wrong that may have been is long since forgiven. I hope you find peace and the strength that is needed in the next few months. God Bless

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  12. Kristie Little-CanhamOctober 7, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    I'm not an intactivist, but I am a heart mom. I hate to see what is happening to this family, being crucified by people out for blood.My condolences go to the family and I hope that my donation helps in some small way. God Bless <3

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  13. I will share no words about the right or wrong of circumcision... But I am grieving for this family.
    I Donated.

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  14. My heart to hers and her family at this time. I cannot donate but am sending all the comfort I can.

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  15. i hope you and your family are able to find peace in this time of grieving that was most certainly compounded by the devastating insensitivity of some who think their beliefs are more valid/important than your own. you did your best to do what you felt was right at the time and that is all any good parent can do.
    your family is in my thoughts
    Suzanne

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  16. Just so you know - those comments were not left on her blog - they were posted on a private message board.

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  17. @ Fyrestorm creations, thank you for the clarification. I will update the blog.

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  18. I'm upset that something like this could happen to a parent and suddenly have unleashed upon them dozens if not hundreds of messages from strangers with an agenda. Regardless of how or why, someone has lost their baby. That should be foremost in the minds of people who come by this loss, either firsthand because they are friends, family or dedicated readers, or because they stumbled across a post. Shame on anyone who jumped to a self-righteous stance and turned a fresh tragedy into just another issue. My heart aches for this poor woman, and for her family.

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  19. I am so very sorry for this family's terrible loss. I can't even imagine what they must be going through.

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  20. It's hard for me to believe anyone would mercilessly prey on this family like that - no one wants this to happen to their child. There really isn't a word to express the shamefulness of it... I'm praying for this family in their loss. Thank you for posting this.

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  21. I'm an intactivist, and the thought of "blame the parents" never crossed my mind. My older son is intact because my sisters were the first in my extended family to leave their sons intact. My younger son is intact because by then I was educated on it and fought tooth and nail to keep him whole with his dad.
    Most Americans blindly circumcise. It's only with education, not fear and hate, that we're going to change this. If we want babies to be treated with compassion, we have to start with the parents.
    I'll send a few extra bucks-yand a lot of loving thoughts-yin this family's direction.

    And I'm sorry, but can we stop singling out the mother here?! Talk about genderizing blame!

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  22. @Fyrestorm Creations:

    The message board was not private. I am not a member and I was able to read every angry and hurtful word. :(

    My sympathies to the family. I can't even imagine losing my baby and then being attacked for choices that cannot be changed.

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  23. How anyone can read your story and not just cry is beyond me.

    I am so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorrier for the evil, self-righteous asshats who made it worse.

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  24. I'm bawling and unspeakably sorry for your loss. There is One who understands the loss of a son. May you find solace in His strength, and peace in the hope of a happy reunion.

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  25. Thank you so much for your post! I have been physically sick over what has happened to Jill, her son and their story. The people who have posted this hate are plain and simple BULLIES.

    Jill, if you visit here again, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a friend who had a son with Hypo Plastic Left Heart syndrome and I do know how devastating of a condition it is. The fact that Joshua lived at all is a miracle as I'm sure you already know. You are an amazingly strong, beautiful, capable woman and mother. His broken heart is not your fault nor was his death. Please know there are many of us praying for you and your family and wish you peace, love and understanding. Stay true to your faith, it will continue to lead you to happiness and love.

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  26. Dearest Jill, I have posted comments twice to your blog, on two entries, neither of which reflected that I am an intactivist. I shuddered at the thought of having my comments twisted and being lumped into that group. I want you to know that I am still praying for you and your family. My heart breaks for what you must be going through, most of us could never imagine the loss, nor would we ever want to.

    My point in all of that was that I wanted you to know that I am human, a mother, before I am an advocate. This blog entry summed up all the thoughts I have had about your situation. What was said to you, and the piles of hate mail you must have received, it is not representative of all of us. We're not all rabid informists, taking on our cause, and not seeing the human first. Tears were stinging my eyes in anger as I read some of the comments that were spewing forth in the name of what I support. This was nobody's business, and it turned into some kind of political platform circus.

    Thank you for accepting the apologies of those of us who want to make right by those who did wrong.

    I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Please know you're in our warmest thoughts and prayers.

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  27. This is such a heartbreaking thing to have happen to a family; I can't begin to imagine the paid they're suffering right now. I'm so sorry for the loss of their child, and hope they can find some peace beyond this terrible tragedy.

    I don't care how for or against anyone is about circumcision, after the death of a child is the wrong time to speak up -- it's not likely to bring that family any solace, and it won't bring their son back.

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  28. As this will probably not make it on Dr. Momma dot com....the political peaceful parenting site, I needed to vent it here.

    You people are a shame- let these people grieve and not use their babies death as your personal agenda for intactivism. Stealing pictures from their website and saying that his cause of death was the circumcision itself. Any of you folks have a medical degree? Vascular surgery, Neonatology, Pediatric Cardio thoracic surgery or urology. Honestly, you guys are quick to point fingers at grieving parents because of your "perceived" wrong that they did. But since you are all the experts in medicine and or pediatric urology, have some empathy. We are all a day away from the loss of a child. I have dealt with many dead children in my 15 year career as a paramedic- drowning- electrocution- hit by a car. So what if this happened to your children, it obviously wouldn't because you are perfect parents and all knowing to boot. Your child runs out in the street to get a ball, gets hit by the car, I life flight them to the hospital and they die. Children's safety groups chastise you as parents because you "should have been watching them better"--you are on the phone your child walks out in the back yard falls in the pool a split second you weren't looking and its YOUR FAULT your child drowned because you turned your back for a millisecond. Truth be told we are all 10 seconds from losing a child due to crappy circumstances- so just think about how judgmental you are being. And next time I show up at your house because your child is hurt, or has fallen down the stairs or worse yet is in cardiac arrest- let me walk in with the air that you are automatically wrong, it is your fault. You abuse your child, you let them drown, you let them get hit by a car, you should have known better, you wanted your child to die- you are guilty GARBAGE, I do what I do because I have compassion, and I love to help people and families in needs. Please keep your agenda to yourself, a CHILD died today, could have been yours, mine, or someone close to you. You reap what you sow and will answer for your actions one day.

    Matthew 7:1-2 ESV
    “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

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  29. Jill, it's amazing how many, in their human, wounded state, forget their divinity and the mandate of love. I have encountered it everywhere, and especially towards mothers.

    While anger and confusion are a natural reaction to tragedy and grief, and need to take their due course, (even for you), compassion is the answer, love is the balm.

    God bless you, your husband and your children. May He continue to guide you and yours through this journey on earth, teaching and polishing your hearts until He draws them back to their home.

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  30. I am a self-described intactivist, and at no time have I placed blame with the parents in this tragedy. My heart goes out to them.

    Hopefully the doctors will be held accountable.

    @ParamedDaddy, way to practice what you preach, brother. :-/

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  31. Taryn - what a wonderful post. Thank you for creating it and starting this donation for Joshua's family. And thank you for understanding that there is nobody to blame for this tragedy, and baby Joshua should not be used as an example to illustrate a crusade. I wish other sites followed your example and let the family grieve in peace.

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  32. My deepest sympathies to Jill and her family, my heart breaks for you. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my brother at 4 months old, so I can relate a little bit. I send you love and prayers, may you find healing.

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  33. As a nurse who has assisted in and cared for HUNDREDS of infants undergoing circumcision and only seen ONE infant bleed excessively (who was later found to have a blood disorder)I am appalled at the way this family has been treated. Circumcision is a personal FAMILY choice. I do not judge the mother of the infant I took care of last night in the NICU that is mentally retarded from a home birth gone horribly wrong. Things happen that is life. We all have to make choices that we can live with and no one ever thinks something is going to happen to THEIR child. It is always someone else's child. I hope this family can find peace and stop listening to others hurtful words.

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  34. Thank you for this post. I was also upset at things that were being said on facebook, blogs, etc. I had a nephew who died from HLHS and it is so sad to lose a little one, no matter how it happened. I pray the peace and comfort will be found for this family. All my love to them in this their time of need.

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  35. My heart has been so heavy for Jill and her family, since hearing about Joshua. No parent should ever have to experience the loss of a child. I can not even begin to imagine the pain and grief consuming them. I am unable to make a donation at this time, but please know my thoughts and deepest sympathies are with Joshua's family.

    -An Intactivist and Heart Mom

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  36. First, I would like to thank you for posting this, it has been a very sad week in the CHD community as we have lost 11 children within our community in the last week alone. Then to see this happening to one of them was very upsetting. As a mother of a child with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and someone who has checked Congenital Heart Defect charities closely, if you would like to make a donation to one of these charities, the best one to make it to in my opinion is the Chloe Duyck Memorial Fund, you can find their page on Facebook. Although, donating to the family to the fund set up above is the better option to me it seems. Again, thank you for the kind words you have said today, it lightens my heart knowing that not all "Intactivists" are like some of the ones who posted mean things on her blog.

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  37. i too am a self proclaimed intactivist, but this baby and its family are who I want to protect with my activism. I want the pain too end, not to add to it with vilification and finger pointing. Every baby that dies has parents who grieve and it is the laws not the parents that need to change. This family deserves love and kindness. The movement will lose ground if we use hate. it needs to be about love and mercy, because in my heart that is what i want when i speak out for the rights of boys.

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  38. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and the completely undeserved aftermath. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Jill. You are an amazing mother and woman and a true example of Christ's love.

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  39. intactivists like myself only wish to see an end to unnecessary circumcisions that sometimes unfortunately result in death.

    my heart goes out to this family. my son hemorrhaged after his circumcision as well. if only i had known.

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  40. Peace and blessings Jill and Shane.

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  41. Jill,

    I would like to say first that my heart goes out to you and your family. I understand the unforgiving pain of losing a child. You are strong, and you will move through this, and you will make your son proud.

    I'm so very sorry that you received such hateful comments. Nobody deserves that. Unfortunately, when an angry, weak, misguided person sees an opportunity to not only voice their opinions but to twist the knife in as deep as possible, they do it. Especially when it's online and they can hide behind anonymity. As with all things, there will be those who are supportive, and those who just aren't. The ones who aren't can be extreme, but in no way should that describe a group as a whole.

    So I say this as someone who has been bullied, insulted and have even had the blame of my own infant's death placed on my shoulders: do not take it to heart. I know it's so hard. I understand your pain. I know that these awful things that are said cut very deep. But these people are the few in a large group of people. There will always be those who are hateful and angry. You cannot please everyone, and your decisions will not always be accepted with understanding.

    Just know that there are those of us who care deeply for your family, despite our differing views. Please do not assume we are all horrible. We are not the Westboro Baptists, just like not all Baptists groups are the Phelps family.

    I am certainly thinking of you in this tragic time. My heart goes out to you. My tears are for you.

    -Elizabeth

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  42. I am also an intactavist....and I feel horrified and ashamed by the events of yesterday! I left a comment on her blog, but no time did I place blame on her. *I* place blame on the physician. However, that is completely besides the point....the fact is that a baby lost his life and a family lost his son!
    It pisses me off that people are blaming the intactavist community at large over what a few extremists have done....just like with Muslims, people blame Muslims at large for what a few extremists do....seriously people....stop blaming ALL of the people in one group, and just blame the people who have done the wrong!

    I pray for the baby and his family. It is tragic. No mother (or father, family etc...) should lose a baby.

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  43. I am so sorry for your loss. I can not pretend to know how you and your family feel right now. I just hope that some day you find some peace. You are so grateful for the short time that you had, I'm sure some day you will all get there.

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  44. Jill,

    My baby died in March due to a super bug that she contracted at the hospital that could have been due to multiple contaminations - possibly even due to my partner and myself (after the autopsy they still do not know the pathway of the infection). No one that has not been there knows the agony and blinding pain of a parent who loses their child. I have heard so much bullshit after my wonderful daughter's death, f- them. Do not allow the people to use your beautiful child for their agendas. This did not "happen for a reason", life is unfair, shitty things happen to good people. The one-in-a-million happens to someone. For those who are using this as an avenue to discuss issues you think are important - there are other forums for this, how dare you hijack a family's pain. Jill - do what it takes to feel better, and do not feel the need to deal with B.S. they have no idea what it is to be one of the walking wounded

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  45. I maintain the Intactivism Pages and when I heard of Joshua's death I just felt terribly sad. Jill and Shane, Intactivists the world over share your grief. "Compassionate Intactivist" sounds like a tautology to me. I've never met any other kind.

    Insofar as those angry posts are genuine, I guess it's men angry at their own circumcisions who are transferring their anger. I wish they would find other ways of healing.

    I don't know who started this horrible rumour that we would ever hold a Phelps-like picket of the viewing or funeral, and any vigil of the hospital (or even talk of one) could have waited.

    For now, let's just send all our support to the bereft parents.

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  46. Dear Jill,

    Words can not express the sorrow my heart feels for you at this particular moment. I have a confession to make that I pray others will have the strength to. I was very angred when I first heard of your sons death and I too wanted someone to blame. Since I've never visited your blog prior, I will admit that I got much of the information through friends. It wasn't until after your sons passing that I was able to read your entries. I can not tell you how sorry I am for the hurtful comments that I and others made in regards to you. They were harsh and uncalled for. At this time when you needed us the most to support you, many of us intactivists have let you down and condemned you. Instead of embracing you in love, we decided it felt better to point the finger and say "told you so". No parent deserves that type of wrath in any circumstance, even if we all want someone to blame.

    When I finally had the opportunity to clear my head and regroup, I realized how horrible our words truly were. We intactivists are very passionate people and sometimes I think we forget to be compassionate people. I know many will never own up to their own guilt or repent for the statements made toward you, because they want you to admit something first. I however can not and will not allow myself to be a hypocrite. I must appologize for my actions and statements.

    It was a song tonight that made me have this epiphany and reminded me of what my friends and I have done. It was "How can I Help You Say Goodbye" by Patty Loveless. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could tell you how to say goodbye, but I have yet to learn myself. All I can do is pray for you and hope that you'll forgive us all for the anguish we have so willingly bestowed upon your shoulders. You stated that you knew God was there, but you couldn't 'feel' him. I truly believe that's because us intactivists haven't embraced you in that love you need now more than every. With all my heart, I pray that you will forgive us.

    May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,

    Rachel A. Weisberger

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  47. ArizonaIntactivistOctober 8, 2010 at 6:25 AM

    Thank you Taryn for putting the donation button on your blog. I contacted the funeral home hoping they would open a Pay Pal account for the family so that others (especially internationally) could donate. A few hours after contacting them I found your blog and the donate button. I read most of Jill Haskin's blog on Wednesday night and among all of the other trials they have had they have also had financial ones. I hope others will donate and help lighten this families burden a bit at this devastating time.

    Rest in peace sweet Joshua!

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  48. I'm just catching up now... and hearing of what happened yesterday. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm ashamed of a lot of people. How anyone can be so heartless at a time like this shocks me. Jill, I'm thinking of you and your family, of your little son. May his journey be swift and safe, and may he take your love with him to the other side. Peace, mama...

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  49. I donated-- thank you for doing this!!!! paypal is so much easier. I hope you can tell us what the total donations are--

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  50. @ Anonymous, as of right now we are up $265.00 raised for the family!

    Hoping to get $500.00 total before I send the money to the family!

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  51. Supporting Jill and ALL HLHS babies/children/families as well as ALL CHD families -- we all know the truly delicate life these babies are brought into and KNOW Jill is an amazing mother -- God would not have placed this precious child in her life if she was not. WE LOVE YOU JILL -- HOPE FOR HLHS !!!!
    Sara H
    Los Angeles, CA

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  52. Thank you for posting what you did. My son had hlhs and lived to be 20 years old. These kids can survive. As for circumsion well that is something that the docs indicated were okay and I have known several hlhs boys who have had this done successfully.

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  53. I could have written this exact post. I am a Mama, Intactivist, sleep sharing lactivist... I posted this on my FB wall too- and quickly took it down after reading the blog. My hope is for love and healing for the family!

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  54. Taryn - What's the total at this point?

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  55. So far we are at $308.00. I would like to get $500 by tomorrow tonight but don't know if it will happen.

    Thanks so much guys for your support!

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  56. We just reached $500 for Joshua's family!!! You all are AMAZING!!!!!!!

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  57. ArizonaIntactivistOctober 9, 2010 at 9:21 PM

    @ Taryn and everyone who donated: AWESOME!!!

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  58. ArizonaIntactivistOctober 9, 2010 at 9:22 PM

    @ Taryn: Will you also forward the notes that were left with donations to the family? Thanks!

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  59. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly appreciate what you have done for our family.

    For those of you who posted our story out of anger, but then quickly took it down, I want you to know that I hold no anger or resentment towards you. I recognize that we are all humans and we all fall short of perfect. Please accept my sincere thanks and forgiveness.

    While I am still receiving hate through my blog and facebook, I have realized that not all intactivists are hateful and mean. You are mostly a great group of women who have done nothing but support and love our family. Thank you thank you thank you.

    With much love,

    Jill

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  60. I was able to donate to the fund. Thanks for doing this and showing that most of us are compassionate, caring people no matter what our beliefs about circumcision. I would love to know the final amount raised and will continue to pray for the family through this most difficult time.

    Namaste'

    Brandi Doucet
    DeepSouthDoula

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  61. Dear Jill and Shane,
    Many blessings upon you and your children and loved ones. I have been working hard to try to end medically unnecessary circumcisions since 1970, when I was arrested for peacefully protesting against them on 17 December outside Tallahassee Memorial Hospital. My public campaign against them and for wholeness has been going on for nearly 40 years now. In 2002, I helped start and I administer the Ashley Montagu Resolution petition website at http://MontaguNoCircPetition.org. Those who would like to may join with Nobel laureates and others in signing the Ashley Montagu Resolution petition there. My motivation has been to try to protect children from unnecessary injury and death, and parents from unnecessary excruciating heartbreak. I am very sorry that I have failed you. It has not been from lack of trying, but my efforts obviously were not successful enough to save you from this tragedy or your son from his medically unnecessary circumcision. I am deeply sorry. One day I hope that boys will find equal legal protection with girls from medically unnecessary circumcisions, and that the many agonies that your son and you have experienced will be a thing of the past, that no one else will ever have to suffer what he and you have suffered. I think such an outcome would honor you and your son and his too-short life. We are all so deeply injured by this ancient mistake. Suffering teaches compassion, but only to those willing to learn it. I pray that we may all learn and become more compassionate.

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  62. http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&note_id=440007617050#!/note.php?note_id=440007617050&id=798143901

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  63. ArizonaIntactivistOctober 13, 2010 at 8:56 PM

    @ Taryn: Did you forward the note I left for Jill Haskins on Pay Pal when I made the donation for her?

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  64. @ArizonaIntactivist: All comments on the blog and on that were sent with donations will be sent to Jill.

    :) I am waiting on a few more e-checks to clear via PayPal and I will send them over ASAP. Thanks again for your support!

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  65. This post really moved me. As a fellow compassionate intactivist, the things that were said to Jill and her family have been weighing heavy on my heart. I have already donated directly to Jill, but what you are doing is a beautiful thing for her and her family.

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